New year, new decade, but bad movies are forever. Just like last year, I prefer to get the worst out of the way before getting to the best. Admittedly, I skipped on a lot of bad movies from The Curse of La Llorona, Playing with Fire, The Hustle, Countdown, Replicas, and Charlie's Angels. The trailers were enough to convince me to stay away, and their negative reception confirmed my suspicion. The ones that made my list, I went in thinking I'd seeing something above average, and man was I wrong.
Time to close out the year with my top ten worst movies of 2019. But before we get to the main list a few dishonorable mentions.
As for Dark Phoenix and Cats, two films that made the worst list for many other critics, I won't deny that they aren't good but surprisingly found plenty to enjoy and didn't leave the theater in fumes. The same can't be said for these next films so without ado, let us proceed with.....
10). Joker
I'm starting this list with what is perhaps my most controversial pick of the year. I wasn't impressed with this iteration of the clown prince of crime. For a movie that is treated as groundbreaking, daring and focusing on the mind of a twisted individual there have been other films that delved deeper from No Country for Old Men, Split, Nightcrawler, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, even The Dark Knight. The difference is that the characters are already demented, but this film presents it as an origin story. It's more frightening and fascinating not knowing the entire picture on what made these type of characters tick, it erases that aura of mystery and malice. As for a DC Comics movie that mentions the Joker's demented psyche, I kept thinking back to the final battle in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, that would have turned Arthur Fleck's smile upside down.
9). Dumbo
The best thing I can say about these bad live-action Disney remakes is a better appreciation of their animated counterparts. The original Dumbo is simple and cute if a little flawed but Tim Burton's take is just pretentious and bizarre, even for a Burton film. The mistake is getting the writer of Micheal Bay's Transformers franchise and transferring its flaws into this movie. This includes utilizing special effects that make the main star less appealing and get second billing in his own movie; talented actors are wasted with a majority of the characters being dull and uninteresting especially the leads. No time to focus on what made the original special as this version is more morbid and tedious. Removing well-known elements from the talking animals, Pink Elephant parade and not packing the same energy shown in animation. Collin Farrell, Danny DeVito and Alan Arkin are the few bright spots but neither can replace Timothy Mouse.
8). Hellboy
Mindless action and sloppy characterization may work on the Syfy channel and the Direct-to-DVD bin but not with Hellboy, who deserved better after the cancellation of Hellboy 3. To never see Guillermo del Toro's trilogy complete and get this atrocity makes it more heartbreaking. What made Hellboy interesting were its multi-layered characters, fairy-tale setting in modern times while also being a superhero comic-book action movie with a tint of a Men in Black-esque secret agency. This version has none of that, trading all that prestige for Resident Evil stupidity. Unlike the rest of the movies that I'll be getting to, there are small dosages that could have salvaged this movie but aren't taken. To make matters worse it ends with a sequel bait because those are always good ideas especially with its dismal box-office returns.
7). Men in Black International
How can one botch a Thor and Valkyrie reunion? By continuing a franchise that hasn't made a solid film since the first one. Whatever charm or wit that the Men in Black movies had left is gone. This movie is so hollow that even the sci-fi elements are unimpressive. Yet another poor portrayal of a STEM character but unlike Disney, Sony would remedy this with The Angry Birds Movie 2. The characters are dull, and the story is predictable with little-to-no connection to the original. The only shining light is seeing Les Twins as the villains. After appearing in both this and Cats, they really need to have a word with their agent. If you wish to see more of the Men in Black, the animated series is much, much better.
6). Little
I wasn't expecting the next Big, but the trailer had promise of at least being funny. But once again we have a comedy that resorts to cheap laughs, and obnoxious characters who are way over-the-top. Certain story elements and characters who we think will play a part are dropped out the moment they are introduced. The laughs I got were the jokes already shown in the trailer. The best way to describe this is that this is a Disney Channel movie but aimed for adults. It tries to ride on its main gimmick, humor and star cast but doesn't have much going for. No doubt it will have some fans, as the audience in attendance, enjoyed it more than me. Well, there is always Shazam! as it better utilizes its comedy of a child and adult transformation.
5).The Secret Life of Pets 2
And yet another comedy that failed to amuse me. At least Little had a story, uneven as it was; the same can't be said for this Illumination picture. The plot (if you can call it that), are basically three shorts stitched together hoping to pass as a feature film. The main leads are a boring and one-dimensional with no growth since the last film minus Snowball who is still loud and proud only this time as a pet. The rest of the pet pack are rendered superfluous with no bearings on the movie despite appearing on various pieces of promotion and much of the merchandise. There are clichés galore but nothing original or entertaining are done with them. Then only upside is that audiences are starting to catch wind of these mediocre movies as this sequel made less than its predecessor. Parents, if you have to show your kids a movie that features animals at a farm or in the big city, I recommend Shaun the Sheep.
4). Midsommar
Adding another controversial movie to the list is the second film from the director of Hereditary (which made my worst list last year). I get the meaning behind these movies but there is so much I can sit through before I give up entirely, figure out the outcome and lose all interest. Both films center on evil cults, each of the characters falling one by one, that one character who is a traitor and the most disturbing imagery that could give Eli Roth and Rob Zombie a run for their money. For a movie that wants to be like original The Wicker Man it feels more like the Nicholas Cage version where its more puzzling and unintentionally hilarious.
3). Captive State
Plenty of patience and attention is required to enjoy slow sci-fi like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Runner. Arrival and Blade Runner 2049 also fall into the mix, and I while I may not be a fan of those two films, I grasp and respect their meanings amidst its sluggish presentation. With Captive State I'm not sure it had a meaning. There's an alien invasion, some of humanity have succumbed to their rule whiles others are trying to fight back and that's pretty much it. Who are these aliens? Who are these characters? What is the motivation? Why should I care? So many times my eyes were starting to droop that as the film ended I wouldn't have minded a good nap. If you want to see a more engaging alien invasion movie with a realistic presentation I recommend District 9 or Cloverfield.
2). The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
We all know the story, a man who believes to be on a noble quest when in reality they are delusions of grandeur. I am of course talking about Terry Gilliam and his ever longing mission on trying to bring the tale of Don Quixote to the big screen in what is reported for the last twenty years. According to some of the crew members they believed it to be cursed due to its long delays and several production troubles. After seeing this film, and a Spanish version made back in the seventies, I'm starting to believe that. Like the character its based on, this is a movie that believes to saying something profound when its quite the contrary. It's a jumbled and nonsensical mess where nothing is achieved. It's a real shame since it took so long to get off the ground only to fail. Oh well, there is always the Wishbone and Veggietales versions as well as the original book.
1). Maleficent: Mistress of Evil
Out of all the live-action Disney remakes, Maleficent is the one I hate the most. To sum it up briefly: it disregards everything that made Disney's original Sleeping Beauty a masterpiece and throws it in the trash. Now imagine the trash being incinerated to ashes. That's what this sequel is and it is insulting. Mistress of Evil has the most misleading title since Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. You thought this was the movie where Maleficent realizes that she is supposed to transform into the most iconic Disney villain of all time? That might have potential but we can't have that! We want Maleficent to be a role model for young girls everywhere. Her satanic attire is perfectly normal. Who cares that it served as the inspiration for the original and where she called on the powers of hell in ensuring her victory against all that is good? The plot is everything you've seen in Pocahontas, Avatar, Frozen II, even Dark Phoenix. The fact that a sequel was greenlit because Alice Through The Looking Glass and 102 Dalmatians proved to be good ideas. Never did a movie make me so mad and wished I had waited until the DVD or just skip the film entirely, than Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, which is why it's my number one worst movie of 2019.
Time to close out the year with my top ten worst movies of 2019. But before we get to the main list a few dishonorable mentions.
 |
| Jon Oliver as the Porcupine in Wonder Park, you have my condolences. |
- Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: Who would have thought that The Mandalorian would feel like the superior sequel to the original Star Wars trilogy.
- Frozen 2: Never a fan of the first film, the sequel didn't help.
- The Lion King: Stick with the original.
- The Addams Family: Stick with the cartoons or the comic strips.
- Wonder Park: Better than Barnyard but Jimmy Neutron remains king as the movie disguised as a TV pilot.
 |
| Afraid to show our faces but at least the posters look impressive. |
10). Joker
I'm starting this list with what is perhaps my most controversial pick of the year. I wasn't impressed with this iteration of the clown prince of crime. For a movie that is treated as groundbreaking, daring and focusing on the mind of a twisted individual there have been other films that delved deeper from No Country for Old Men, Split, Nightcrawler, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, even The Dark Knight. The difference is that the characters are already demented, but this film presents it as an origin story. It's more frightening and fascinating not knowing the entire picture on what made these type of characters tick, it erases that aura of mystery and malice. As for a DC Comics movie that mentions the Joker's demented psyche, I kept thinking back to the final battle in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, that would have turned Arthur Fleck's smile upside down.
9). Dumbo
The best thing I can say about these bad live-action Disney remakes is a better appreciation of their animated counterparts. The original Dumbo is simple and cute if a little flawed but Tim Burton's take is just pretentious and bizarre, even for a Burton film. The mistake is getting the writer of Micheal Bay's Transformers franchise and transferring its flaws into this movie. This includes utilizing special effects that make the main star less appealing and get second billing in his own movie; talented actors are wasted with a majority of the characters being dull and uninteresting especially the leads. No time to focus on what made the original special as this version is more morbid and tedious. Removing well-known elements from the talking animals, Pink Elephant parade and not packing the same energy shown in animation. Collin Farrell, Danny DeVito and Alan Arkin are the few bright spots but neither can replace Timothy Mouse.
8). Hellboy
Mindless action and sloppy characterization may work on the Syfy channel and the Direct-to-DVD bin but not with Hellboy, who deserved better after the cancellation of Hellboy 3. To never see Guillermo del Toro's trilogy complete and get this atrocity makes it more heartbreaking. What made Hellboy interesting were its multi-layered characters, fairy-tale setting in modern times while also being a superhero comic-book action movie with a tint of a Men in Black-esque secret agency. This version has none of that, trading all that prestige for Resident Evil stupidity. Unlike the rest of the movies that I'll be getting to, there are small dosages that could have salvaged this movie but aren't taken. To make matters worse it ends with a sequel bait because those are always good ideas especially with its dismal box-office returns.
7). Men in Black International
How can one botch a Thor and Valkyrie reunion? By continuing a franchise that hasn't made a solid film since the first one. Whatever charm or wit that the Men in Black movies had left is gone. This movie is so hollow that even the sci-fi elements are unimpressive. Yet another poor portrayal of a STEM character but unlike Disney, Sony would remedy this with The Angry Birds Movie 2. The characters are dull, and the story is predictable with little-to-no connection to the original. The only shining light is seeing Les Twins as the villains. After appearing in both this and Cats, they really need to have a word with their agent. If you wish to see more of the Men in Black, the animated series is much, much better.
6). Little
I wasn't expecting the next Big, but the trailer had promise of at least being funny. But once again we have a comedy that resorts to cheap laughs, and obnoxious characters who are way over-the-top. Certain story elements and characters who we think will play a part are dropped out the moment they are introduced. The laughs I got were the jokes already shown in the trailer. The best way to describe this is that this is a Disney Channel movie but aimed for adults. It tries to ride on its main gimmick, humor and star cast but doesn't have much going for. No doubt it will have some fans, as the audience in attendance, enjoyed it more than me. Well, there is always Shazam! as it better utilizes its comedy of a child and adult transformation.
5).The Secret Life of Pets 2
And yet another comedy that failed to amuse me. At least Little had a story, uneven as it was; the same can't be said for this Illumination picture. The plot (if you can call it that), are basically three shorts stitched together hoping to pass as a feature film. The main leads are a boring and one-dimensional with no growth since the last film minus Snowball who is still loud and proud only this time as a pet. The rest of the pet pack are rendered superfluous with no bearings on the movie despite appearing on various pieces of promotion and much of the merchandise. There are clichés galore but nothing original or entertaining are done with them. Then only upside is that audiences are starting to catch wind of these mediocre movies as this sequel made less than its predecessor. Parents, if you have to show your kids a movie that features animals at a farm or in the big city, I recommend Shaun the Sheep.
4). Midsommar
Adding another controversial movie to the list is the second film from the director of Hereditary (which made my worst list last year). I get the meaning behind these movies but there is so much I can sit through before I give up entirely, figure out the outcome and lose all interest. Both films center on evil cults, each of the characters falling one by one, that one character who is a traitor and the most disturbing imagery that could give Eli Roth and Rob Zombie a run for their money. For a movie that wants to be like original The Wicker Man it feels more like the Nicholas Cage version where its more puzzling and unintentionally hilarious.
3). Captive State
Plenty of patience and attention is required to enjoy slow sci-fi like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Runner. Arrival and Blade Runner 2049 also fall into the mix, and I while I may not be a fan of those two films, I grasp and respect their meanings amidst its sluggish presentation. With Captive State I'm not sure it had a meaning. There's an alien invasion, some of humanity have succumbed to their rule whiles others are trying to fight back and that's pretty much it. Who are these aliens? Who are these characters? What is the motivation? Why should I care? So many times my eyes were starting to droop that as the film ended I wouldn't have minded a good nap. If you want to see a more engaging alien invasion movie with a realistic presentation I recommend District 9 or Cloverfield.
2). The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
We all know the story, a man who believes to be on a noble quest when in reality they are delusions of grandeur. I am of course talking about Terry Gilliam and his ever longing mission on trying to bring the tale of Don Quixote to the big screen in what is reported for the last twenty years. According to some of the crew members they believed it to be cursed due to its long delays and several production troubles. After seeing this film, and a Spanish version made back in the seventies, I'm starting to believe that. Like the character its based on, this is a movie that believes to saying something profound when its quite the contrary. It's a jumbled and nonsensical mess where nothing is achieved. It's a real shame since it took so long to get off the ground only to fail. Oh well, there is always the Wishbone and Veggietales versions as well as the original book.
1). Maleficent: Mistress of Evil
Out of all the live-action Disney remakes, Maleficent is the one I hate the most. To sum it up briefly: it disregards everything that made Disney's original Sleeping Beauty a masterpiece and throws it in the trash. Now imagine the trash being incinerated to ashes. That's what this sequel is and it is insulting. Mistress of Evil has the most misleading title since Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. You thought this was the movie where Maleficent realizes that she is supposed to transform into the most iconic Disney villain of all time? That might have potential but we can't have that! We want Maleficent to be a role model for young girls everywhere. Her satanic attire is perfectly normal. Who cares that it served as the inspiration for the original and where she called on the powers of hell in ensuring her victory against all that is good? The plot is everything you've seen in Pocahontas, Avatar, Frozen II, even Dark Phoenix. The fact that a sequel was greenlit because Alice Through The Looking Glass and 102 Dalmatians proved to be good ideas. Never did a movie make me so mad and wished I had waited until the DVD or just skip the film entirely, than Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, which is why it's my number one worst movie of 2019.
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