There were quite the few stinkers I mercifully skipped whether it was the bad vibes from the trailer or negative word of mouth. Horror delivered yearly trash that was Slenderman, The Nun, Winchester, Blumhouse's Truth or Dare, and Hellfest. Comedies I don't feel bad on missing were Book Club, Holmes & Watson, Nobody's Fool, Action Point, and Show Dogs. And yet, despite my best efforts of avoiding bad movies there were plenty that found their way in my viewing schedule. True, I'm obligated to watch a couple but the ones that made my list, I went in thinking maybe it won't be that bad or that the critics might be exaggerating. Goes to show I can't be right all the time.
Dishonorable Mentions:
- Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado A movie that's about the cartel and how it affects certain people and star's Benicio del Toro. It's called Traffic, it came out in 2000. Watch that instead.
- Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald It's only the second entry and already its off to a tedious start. Let's hope the next installment can prove us wrong.
- Peter Rabbit Just when I thought the trend of bad live-action movies based on cartoons were behind us.
10). God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness
I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Religious movies can be done right. The Prince of Egypt, Silence, Hacksaw Ridge and First Reformed. It's sad when movies like these give Christianity a bad name, and quite a pompous one at that. I'll give it this, it's an improvement over its predecessors and at times seems to be self-aware of its own flaws but it still follows the fabricated formula that its target audience wants to hear with its portrayal of Christians and atheists. God may not be dead but these movies aren't doing him any favors.
9). The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
This movie had two directors and it still fell flat on the ice. If it weren't for the occasional name-dropping I would have forgotten this had anything to do with original Nutcracker tale. You can give it star power and lavish sets but it doesn't change the fact that Disney needs to stop with their Narnia-rip-offs. That ship sailed when you gave the rights to Fox (though that may change with Disney's upcoming Fox purchase) but if you desperately want a fantasy epic here's my advice. Make another Narnia movie, continue where it left off. Reboot it if you want just stop making these embarrassing Narnia wannabes with existing properties that were never meant to be that epic in the first place! To dull for for adults and too scary for kids and shame on you for getting Andrea Bocelli involved.
8). Robin Hood
Speaking of mishandling existing properties, wasn't the problem with Batman v. Superman that it was too dark and serious with remotely no fun elements. The people who made Robin Hood didn't get the memo. Not only is it an unpleasant take on a well-known swashbuckling character but its "action" tends to fall into campy and silly territory that it makes it somewhat entertaining but not in the direction the filmmakers intended it to be. Despite the best efforts of Jamie Foxx as Little John and Taron Egerton as the titular outlaw, they can't hit a bullesye to save this movie. Ben Mendelsohn as the Sheriff of Nottingham (the movie couldn't bother of giving him a name) is playing the same character from Rogue One-wardrobe included, Jamie Dornan is superfluous as a secondary villain and why was F. Murray Abraham dragged into this? Dull, dimwitted, and misdirected, I'll take Errol Flynn, Disney or Cary Elwes over this any day.
7). The Happytime Murders
You know what the Muppets were missing? Sex, drugs, booze, and swearing. Of course! That's how the Muppet name will skyrocket to success said no one! While plans of an adult comedy starring Muppets had been in the works to the days of Jim Henson, the Muppets were already funny to begin with. They delivered humor in a way that was endearing all these years without resorting to cheap jokes. If you want such a movie so badly go watch Meet the Feebles from Peter Jackson or Team America from Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Just leave the Muppet name out of it and stop with ruining silly string.
6). Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Easily the biggest letdown of the summer. There were so many signs that this movie was doomed with the trailers giving vibes of The Lost World and the plot centering on saving the dinosaurs from a volcanic extinction. I refused to accept it and went in with excitement and anticipation, only to leave bewildered and disappointed. While Chris Pratt retained some level of charm, the rest of the cast ranged from incompetent, insignificant, irritating and idiotic. Fallen Kingdom follows The Lost World beat by beat from the perplexing plot of trying to save the dinosaurs, the evil rich business man cliche, a child saving the day in the most bizarre manner, and Jeff Goldblum stating the obvious of what is wrong with this picture but nobody listening to him. And don't get me started on the ending.
5). A Wrinkle in Time
No one goes out to make a bad movie but sometimes the end result doesn't always bring that outcome. Just when I thought the phrase "Secular God's Not Dead" only applied to Tommorrowland with its preachy presentation minus the religious angle. Unlike Fallen Kingdom, the trailers to A Wrinkle in Time got me all hyped up but like Fallen Kingdom, I left the theater baffled on what I had witnessed. Reese Witherspoon, Mindy Kalling, Oprah Winfrey and Zach Galifianakis look ridiculous and their acting didn't help. The child actors with the exception of Storm Reid are no better but I wish them the best in their next role.
4). Mute
Even Netflix isn't immune to having bad movies. Mute makes two for two in Duncan Jones filmography, with two that are good and two that are not so good.This movie had potential but squanders it by reveling in the unsavory aspects that it forgets its own protagonist. With a runtime clocking past two hours with little to nothing happening do yourself a favor and ignore it if it pops in your Netflix list. Jones' next movie reportedly will tie into both Moon and Mute; lets hope it doesn't end like The Matrix trilogy.
3). The Spy Who Dumped Me
There's a scene when the characters talk about the worst song ever. John Mayer's "Your Body is Wonderland" is mentioned and the Crash Test Dummies' mouth full of a title "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" is played in the background. They may be bad songs to many but I would gladly listen to them over and over again than sitting through this bad movie. An obnoxious comedy with equally obnoxious characters that the movie expects me to care about. The humor is atrocious and the story is every spy comedy I've seen. An incompetent individual with no spy training is tasked with a highly classified and dangerous mission but will survive by pure luck and bad writing and encounter the obvious mole in the agency because there's always one in these movies. Consider yourself dumped.
2). Hereditary
Does being disturbed count the same as being scared? Probably the most controversial pick on the list, Hereditary has been labeled as the best horror movie of the year, and while it gets the horror part right I wasn't feeling the hype. Something about this movie bothered me and I get that was the point as we see these characters descend into chaos and madness but goodness this movie made Saw family friendly! I know the point to Horror is to show the characters confronting some sort of scary menace and while sometimes it doesn't end on a happy note there is some level of restraint instead of reveling in its gruesome topic regardless the point the filmmaker is trying to make. It doesn't help most of the extreme scares come off as goofy. It results in a disturbing and nihilistic watch from beginning to end.
1). 50 Shades Freed
The best thing I can say is that the movie lives up its title, in that I am free of watching any more of these movies. A friend once told me how he was dragged into watching Spice World and described it as the most embarrassing experience in his life. I told him he had nothing to be ashamed of, I sat through Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Free on opening weekend. An embarrassing and agonizing experience. There was nothing of substance to add that the other 50 Shades movies haven't done. That, and I fell asleep a few times but doubt I missed any crucial plot points. Oh wait, it didn't have a plot to begin with. The only new thing it adds is instead of an ex-mistress we have a malicious stalker but lets not kid ourselves, the story is not why it has an audience. Who cares if the characters and script are awful or that it originated from Twilight fan fiction. As long as we see the sex. Snore* I pity for all those dragged to this on a date night but at least you have company, I sat there by my lonesome thinking all I could be doing with my time instead of watching what is undoubtedly the worst movie of 2018. For my full thoughts, check my review of Fifty Shades Darker. Like a Transformer movie from Micheal Bay they are all the same movie.
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